![]() ![]() Even with literal acres of land around me, it was impossible to land properly and my first attempt ended with the plane stuck prop-down under a bridge. I grabbed the keys seconds before colliding with a barn and pulled up into a perfect glide, albeit upside-down. I mashed the keyboard madly as I spiralled downwards, cutting my hand on cocktail sticks that some idiot had left on the board. It was more like a mid-air mechanical fit, partly because getting in would cause it to teleport a mile straight up even before the engine could be turned on, but also because the Readme offered no control help. I hoped the next modded vehicle I was planning to use would be faster. I had a long journey home and, with chin in hand and cocktail sticks pinning down the W and SHIFT keys, resigned myself to long drive in brand new combine harvester I'd got. I got out and tried to knock it down with the help of a nearby combine harvester, but after five minutes of bashing, it was no use. Without warning, on perfectly flat terrain, I was suddenly thrown up and to the left by a couple of feet, the WinkelWagon catching on top of a wooden fence and stopping, stuck. If I crashed, it would be a long walk home. One, four, ten - as I spiralled further out into the digital backwaters of this backwater game, I drove more and more nervously, painfully aware that there was no quick way back to the farm's garage. Some I found littering beaches, others sat on the back porches of houses that belonged to Farmsimville's mute, dead-eyed inhabitants. In this abomination of a vehicle, the stiff-spined driver of which never touched the steering wheel, I set off in search of bottles. Somehow it still manages to zip up vertical slopes, pivot impossibly on its rear-right wheel at every right turn and bounce off traffic like a greasy, rubber ball. Impatient to begin, I installed a mod called WinkelWagon, which adds a driveable shopping trolley to the game which drives as close as FS2011 gets to 'lightning fast'. I had a bunch of potentially time-saving mods to call on and I was confident these would speed things along, but in fact their stubborn refusal to obey the laws of physics served mainly to slow me down. ![]() That said though, I did hope this mission wouldn't take too long. After that though, they start showing up on top of mountains, under bridges and in such far-off, exotic locations as the dairy farm. The first fifteen or so are admittedly easy to collect because they're scattered close to where you initially spawn. There's no sense to the placement of the bottles, either. It takes agonising minutes just to reach the other side of the crudely modelled (and useless) town. There are no cars or fast-travel options in FS2011, just realistically ponderous tractors which can be outrun on foot. The size of the world is exacerbated by the available vehicles. Instead, like everything else in FS2011's broken world, they just clipped benignly through each other. ![]() There's also a windfarm lining one of the hills, which I'd previously built out of sheer boredom in the hope that the too-close windmill blades would catch and explode the turbines spectacularly. There are thirty fields, a town, several refinery buildings, a port, a lake and a mountain range - all built to scale. ![]() So, for starters, rest assured that the world it's set in is huge. If this sounds like an easy task, I haven't yet rammed home quite how tedious FS2011 can be. Why are the bottles there? Why doesn't the game tell you anything about them? Why would you even want to collect them? These things remain a mystery - but I'm a sucker for a treasure hunt and the idea grabbed me: I swore I would collect every single one. What Bottle Finder does is simple wherever you are in the world it directs you to the nearest of 100 bottles hidden throughout the (farm)land. Eventually however, using one of the smaller mods I'd downloaded, I found a mission that imbued the game with much-needed purpose. Even after I'd grabbed ten of the weirdest mods I could find, from deployable crates to driveable corpses, it was still drearier than a car-load of wet Mondays and utterly unable to hold my attention. So, you can imagine my excitement at sitting down to write a modding guide for it. It's boring, even to those who resign themselves to tedium in advance, as pointless as a chocolate covered cat turd and built on physics so unnatural I genuinely suspect it to be haunted. Here's what happened.įarming Simulator 2011 is, on the face of it, not a very interesting game - but if you look deeper you'll find that it's actually very badly made too. But that didn't stop him from becoming one with Farming Simulator. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |